The train'll arrive tomorrow morning. I don't understand why I'm so unsure about this...normally I'd still be very angry, normally I wouldn't bother to pack. But I have this feeling, a strong feeling something will happen. And being the curious person I am, I have to know.
+ + +
"Isabella! Wake up!"
I rolled in bed, this being the fourth time I was awaken. My stomach was tumbling, my heart racing, my eyebrows tilted inwards.
"No!" I shouted with rage. "I won't go, I won't!" I had realized overnight that I wouldn't like the boarding school I was being sent too. It wasn't fair! My mother didn't bother to ask if I wanted to go or not. She just randomly decided 'mental girl!', and now, this is my mental asylum. This is my punishment for something that was natural.
I squinted my eyes, and there was my mother, towering over me, trying to tug the blanket from my secure hold. "You're going if you like it or not, Isabella." Although her voice was calm, I could hear a thousand bombs going off in her throat. I could hear the lions roaring in her chest, her teeth sharpening with every word she spoke. I decided it was best if I did what she said.
I let go of the blanket, which caused her to stumble backwards, and sat up in bed. When she saw this, she smiled triumphantly.
"Get dressed quickly. You have fifteen minutes." Her calmness didn't sound evil anymore - it had a very light touch of mixed smugness and happiness.
I didn't answer, I just shot her a scornful look. After getting dressed rather slowly, I grasped the handle of my bag and swallowed forcefully to stop my temper from exploding like the day before.
"I'm ready." I said with fake calmness after heading downstairs. My body felt very weird - my stomach was boiling, my throat blazing, my knuckles white. It was very hard to push down my genuine feelings and replace them with something that was plainly grazing my insides.
"Good. Hurry now, you don't want to miss the train." My mother said smilingly.
Of course I did. But I didn't say so. Very slowly, I stepped out the door and didn't even look back. Seconds later, I felt the wind of the door being closed and I could've sworn there was a distant, whispered 'goodbye'.
The walk to the train station was a cold one. Every five minutes or so, I'd drop my bag and wrap my scarf and jacket more closely around me. The sky was gray, the wind fierce. I was sure that any moment, small white flakes would make their way down from the sky. "Almost there." I assured myself, shivering wildly. "Almost, almost, almost."
Finally, I was there. The train was just arriving, and strangely, I felt a tiny twinge of relief under the lava boiling in my stomach. And for the first time in a really, really, long while, I was afraid...of what people would think of me. I was not the same, so what would I do? I didn't have any friends, so who would support me? Who would be at my side to assure me that everything was okay, when it really was not?
I boarded the train and took an empty seat, lowering my head so much that my hair cast a dark shadow over the contemplative look in my eyes. I felt the blood rushing to my face as fast as a running waterfall, my fingers twirling around each other to show my nervousness without a word. At that moment, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so much that all these unsure, angry feelings would roll down my cheek. I've never been this way before, and I don't understand how it could be this way now.
I knew people were passing by, staring at me, a pale, malicious-looking girl with no compassionate color in her face at all. Nobody would dare to approach me. Nobody would care.
With a great knot of courage, I took the deepest breath I've taken in a while, and tried not to care, tried to resume my usual feelings of indifference.
That's all for now. :B 'Tis raining very hard.